I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
Randomize
