You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
If youre the one that ate my brownies this morning I only have two things to say to you
Those had pot in them
And good luck on your interview asshole
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Randomize
