READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
Is Oprah even human
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
Randomize
