as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
Let's celebrate our freedom by getting high and doing stupid shit.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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