M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
does wine, beer, and vodka mix well??
dude, everything can mix, this is college.
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
