upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
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