dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
My life has turned into sitting in the driveway listening to Total Eclipse of the Heart while staring at the Blue Moon. Hey, August. Let's be nice. I need help.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
