I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
