"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
to be honest..when i was little i used to think sharks can swim out of drains and eat people
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
