11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
