I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
What happened to fro yo and sex?
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you know you’re single when you try to cook yourself a nice pasta dinner but you’re too weak to open the container of sauce and theres no one around to help you
Randomize
