Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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