i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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