If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Randomize
