What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Randomize
