she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Randomize
