I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Seriously, let me lead the intervention, my parents did like three with me. I know how it works.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
