I hraet yuo
did you say you heart me or hate me?
who is this?
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
