2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
Randomize
