im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
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