So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
You're breaking my sexual little heart
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
