Just fell off a train. Bad.
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
We were on the ground in Tampa for 55 hours and we drank for 30 of them.
We won Spring Training 2013.
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
