what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
My vagina just clenched in fear
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