He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
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