Sry I called you an 8
Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Randomize
