Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Enjoy the penises
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
