Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I AM VODKA MAN
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
Randomize
