4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
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