i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
