I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
