I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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