$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
Randomize
