best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
When I was hooking up with this guy last night all I could think about was if we were in Game of Thrones... I need to stop doing drugs
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
Whose panties are you wearing on your head and why are you sending me pics of it?
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
