oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
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