my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
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