I rubbed one out into an envelope and mailed it to her. Game point, I win.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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