Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
How drunk are you?
Completed.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Randomize
