Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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