if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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