I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
