I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
