Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Randomize
