the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
He kissed a someone with a penis
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
I'm doing homework tonight but if you end up going out drinking I would like one courtesy peer pressure text.
3pm strippers are depressing
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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