I hate all girls vehemently.
I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
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