captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'd love you more if you were covered in hot cheetos
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
My dad is sitting where you rode me
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
