why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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