Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I have 13 missed calls from when I slept outside on some rocks
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
Randomize
