we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
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