we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Oh, also as a concerning side note, my bra had drops of blood on it. So I don't know what the deal was, but someone I was around was definitely bleeding a decent amount.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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