my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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