Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
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