Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Somebody put William Shatner singing Bohemian Rhapsody on the jukebox, and the whole bar is about to riot.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
